Intro:
Love conquers fear, and this is why it is an act of resilience. Loves helps us be less afraid when regimes try to use fear to divide us. So, why is courage the core of love, and vice versa? How can you incorporate more love-centered practices into your daily life?
Topic to be discussed:
In this podcast episode, Michael Glavin talks about love, the heart-centered resilience.
Summary:
Ego-centered living is fraught with anxiety and fear
The power of love to transcend egotism
Love: creating it and sharing it
Love in spite of messiness of existence
Your action item for this week
Show notes:
The problem we are trying to solve: egoism is fraught with fear
What I’m concerned about is that most of us go through our lives, most of the time, identifying with our ego, that’s where our locus of focus is, where our center is … The “small” self. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the problem [comes in] when we’re solely identified with that ego.
(Michael Glavin)
Our modern, Western society works incredibly hard at encouraging us to align far more often with our egos than with our capacities for love and compassion.
It encourages egoistic individualism, and to defer to self-servitude rather than to support and share resources for our benefit as well as for the benefit of others, because it makes us forget the essential nature of the collective, which acts as a safety net.
While it is important to get your needs met and to make sure that you and your family are safe, this need should not be allowed to turn into the extreme version of itself, which is resource hoarding.
Everything ego-related … can be stripped away. So, if you are ego-identified, that’s where your center and locus is, your power, then you’re going to be really worried about trying to maintain that … What we need is to de-center your ego, or transcend your ego. We need something else with a different focus.
(Michael Glavin)
The power of relationships
Many studies have been done on the power of relationships when it comes to human physiological health. They have shown that even holding the hand of a loved one when experiencing pain reduces the sensation of that pain.
People with strong social connections are happier, they live longer, they physically decline at a much slower rate. People with good relationships have lower rates of diabetes, arthritis, cognitive decline, and other chronic conditions … You need at least one person whom you can turn to when times are tough, and to be there to celebrate with you when times are good!
(Michael Glavin)
You can even experience versions of these benefits with beloved pets, such as cats and dogs, and people have conducted studies that show equine therapy offering a number of powerful benefits too. Even bird-watching gives us calming benefits.
The question is: why? Why do these relationships, with humans and non-human animals, have such powerful benefits and positive effects? We turn to the strongest force: love.
Love: creating it and sharing it
When you love someone, there are times when you may place their needs above your own. This is an example of de-centering the ego.
When we’re in love, when we’re in this state [of love], our partner’s needs are as important as ours. In some cases, even more important than our own … Your’re acting from this place, and that is an ego-transcended place.
(Michael Glavin)
This energy force, when we experience love for other beings, can be used for good.
It can compel us to help and care for others, but within reason, because while we can place other people’s needs above our own at certain times, it is still necessary for us to care for ourselves.
It shifts the relationship so that the ego comes in service of love. We then use our body to do the things to support our partners, to support our relationship, to support our children … Our lives then serve that person’s well-being.
(Michael Glavin)
Love in spite of mess
One of the powerful forces that love is capable of us pushing us to help and take care of our loved ones, even when the situation is horrific, unpleasant, or disgusting even.
We may concede to the discomfort and feel uncomfortable at times, but we also understand the necessity of helping and are willing to help our loved one, despite the disgust, because we love them.
Think of parents changing babies diapers, or an adult child caring for their aging parent. These are acts of love, despite the messiness that can turn the ego away.
I knew intellectually that it was gross, but I didn’t feel disgusted. Through love, I was able to see this simply as a part of life, and that the gross, messy bits go with the funny, loving, cute bits. They are all part of this creature that I love, and it’s all okay. (Michael Glavin)
Your action item for this week
Meditate on the qualities of the person that you love. What is it that you appreciate about them? Call these qualities to mind, and then feel delighted to be in their presence when you do see them.
Sit in that delight of them - enjoy the real-life act of love, and loving the person in front of you, whether it is romantic or platonic. Then express the love you have for who they uniquely are.
Books mentioned in this episode:
Julia Kristeva, Powers of Horror: An Essay on Abjection
Robert A. Johnson, He: Understanding Masculine Psychology
Robert A. Johnson, She: Understanding Feminine Psychology
Robert A. Johnson, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
Useful links:
Hugs and Cortisol Awakening Response the Next Day
Just the two of us: Holding hands can ease pain, sync brainwaves
Birdwatching can help students improve mental health, reduce distress
